It’s no secret that I’ve become obsessed with meditating, I only talk about it like every other day. I know I sound like a broken record but I honestly feel like I have to give it the credit it deserves. Today I’m going to break down my meditation journey. How I got into it, the changes I’ve noticed in my life and most importantly how I’ve stuck with it.
How did I get involved with meditation?
I’m pretty open about the fact that near the end of 2018 I was not satisfied with my life. Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends and family more than anything but it was myself that I was disappointed with, I knew I needed to make some major changes. It was at this time I picked up Jack Canfield’s book The Success Principles and boy did that knock me off my high horse. This book made me realize that I was responsible for everything that happened in my life. I am where I am because of the choices I’ve made – it’s a tough pill to swallow but the sooner you accept it the sooner you can move on. Once I was done complaining about the fact Jack didn’t know anything about me I realized he was 100% right, the only person responsible for my life choices is the person I stare in the mirror at.
I became obsessed with self develpoment, I was reading any book I could get my hands on and listening to every podcast I could in my spare time. I would watch youtube videos about morning routines, I started researching what successful people did in the morning. Within all the information my little brain was processing at the time they all had one thing in common. They meditated. It was everywhere, anybody who reached a pivotal point of success has given credit to meditation or some form of it. So I downloaded the calm app and started there. I began with 2-5 minute meditations in the morning slowly working my way up to 15-20 minute ones. I was trying to do them every day but would fall short on the weekends as meditating hungover was the last thing I wanted to do. Flash forward 1 year and I can’t leave the house without doing it and on days I don’t do it (vacation, traveling, etc) I really feel it. I know how much of a better person I am when I do it so it’s become a non – negotiable. Which brings us to the next part, how tf did I manage to stick with it?
A list of all the books I read in the year 2019 here.
How did I stick with it?
Ahh consistency, the absolute hardest part of I don’t know…life? Consistency is something I’ve struggled with my entire life. There has never been a point in time where I really ‘excelled’ in something (like sports or school) and it was due to the fact I have issues with consistency. I always gave up when things got too hard – I always knew what I had to do to be the best, I just never felt like doing it. I guess I just never really cared about anything enough to really try and be the best at it, which is perfectly normal at a young age (or so I tell myself). I think as human beings consistency is the toughest part for everyone, we all struggle with it on a daily basis. Working out, eating clean/healthy/whole foods, drinking water, studying, etc. We all know what we should be doing to get to where we want to be, but do we do it every single day? No. But I don’t think we have to be too hard on ourselves for this, finding a balance between being disciplined and also “living life to the fullest” is really tough. When should we say yes to things? When do we say no? It’s a challenge I struggle with every single day.
It wasn’t until I really understood that it’s the small habits we do everyday that impact our future the most. How you do anything is how you do everything. I realized that in today’s society with the world at our fingertips (aka our iphones), there wasn’t 1 point in the day where my brain was not stimulated from technology.
My everyday looked a little like this: Wake up, check phone, get ready for work, go to work, work on a computer all day, work out, come home, eat supper, Netflix, bed. Even while I was working out I would be using my phone to follow a workout or look up music. It was constant. I was almost numbing myself out from my actual feelings. I was living on auto pilot and that scared the living shit out of me. When was the last time you actually let yourself process emotion vs numbing it out by constantly scrolling on your phone?
When I realized that meditation was the one thing I could do to get out of auto pilot, I stuck to it. I started feeling so much more clear, my brain fog had lifted, and once I realized how good I felt after doing it I was hooked. I stuck to it because the benefits have been physically and mentally incredible. I finally became obsessed enough with something to build a consistent practice with it, and that something was feeling my very best.
How has my life changed? What are some benefits you’ve actually seen?
It’s funny, my initial reaction is to be like “my life is the same, I haven’t even done anything”… until I take a step back and compare my life at the end of 2018 to now. I’m not even the same person – in the best way possible. I’m not scared to open up anymore, I mean that’s pretty obvious considering I share all the scary parts of my life online with strangers on the internet. I’m no longer scared of judgement, I’ve realized that it’s pretty hard for fear to exist when you’re in the present moment because you only fear something you’ve sub-consciously labeled as negative. When you’re in a meditative state, focusing on the present there’s no such thing as “good or bad”, everything is just exactly how it is….everything is about perspective, and you have the power to choose how you look at things.
Having this mindset has allowed me to start this blog, start a youtube channel (which makes me DIE because never would I have been able to do this in 2018) I was SO scared of what everyone would think of me and looking like a loser that I hid a lot of my “true self” if you will. I was able to move to South Korea alone because I was finally able to realize that everything is happening FOR me not against me, everything that I would be going through is a lesson and only helps me grow into a stronger, bad ass, more powerful woman. I’ve also been able to take a step back and look at the way I was treating my body, what I put into it, the way I talked to it, what triggered me to react to certain things. I healed an emotional relationship with food that I didn’t even know that I had. I started waking up excited to live my life, because I finally realized that I’m not here by accident, the chances of me being here on a planet like earth are 1 in 10, 000, 000, 000 – I could go on and on but these are the main ways my life has changed.
What’s the main takeaway from this?
The way I like to describe meditation is being able to look in a mirror at yourself in a completely non – judgemental way and start asking questions, you start asking sooooooo many questions about yourself. Why do I behave this way? Why do I get angry at this but not at this? Why Does this make me upset? etc. You start to realize that you are not your thoughts, you are not what society has conditioned you to believe and that there’s no such thing as luck. Meditation teaches you to slow down so you can finally see you are in control of every single thing that happens to you, you choose how you respond to things vs reacting.
Where do I start?
I began by downloading the apps calm and headspace. Start there, but don’t put so much pressure on yourself. There’s no wrong way to do it. If you sit down and close your eyes with the intention to meditate you’re putting in the work. Youtube is also an amazing way to start. Theres thousands of guided meditations online which I highly recommend starting with, I like The Mindful Movement channel.
Feel free to reach out with any questions, I’ll anwser them as best as I can xo.
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