Read This if You Don’t Know What You Want in Life

Whether you’ve just graduated high school, or you’ve just graduated university I think it’s safe to say you may be a bit stressed out. Your whole life has been planned out for you up until this moment. You’ve been getting up for school for over a decade at the same time, you’ve eaten lunch at the same time, you’ve literally had to ask an adult to go to the bathroom or drink some damn water. Now, all of a sudden you’re tossed into real life. It’s basically equivalent to getting dropped in the middle of the forrest with no gear and told to figure it out. I feel like there’s not enough attention on this point in our lives. It’s like people scratch out that entire decade between 20-30 years old. Like, we’re supposed to be graduating university, then all of a sudden you’re in your steady job with 2.5 kids and the white pickett fence. But what happens in between?! Why do we NEVER talk about this crucial point in our lives? When in reality THIS is probably the most transformative time of our lives.

I wanna tell you a little story. In my fourth year of university I was dead set on living out this corporate life that is so unconsciously drilled into our minds from the moment we do take your kid to work day. I was going to be one of those people who had my perfect entry – level desk job at IBM where I would work as an IT Project Manager. It was so perfect in my head, I was going to have it all lined up for the moment I would graduate. I was going to secure the job before my grad trip to Dominican so I could really celebrate, then I was going to fly home, move to Halifax to live with my best friends, take 2 weeks off and begin my life there. I was so sure that I got this job that I didn’t even interview anywhere else, people who literally copied my homework in university got this job, of course I’m going to get it. But then something happened…I didn’t get the job. I remember getting the call from the IBM recruiter (was literally in the middle of a booty workout @ Goodlife and this totally killed my vibe) and I just didn’t even know what to do. I remember asking her if there was anything else available probably sounding so desperado. The moment I got home, I just started crying – like ugly Kim K face crying. I was so confused, this isn’t how it’s supposed to go? What would people think of me? Was I stupid? What’s wrong with me? My entire 5 year plan was completely turned upside down. I felt worthless for weeks. I wouldn’t admit it then, but I was honestly kinda depressed for a bit. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life, where was I going to live? Would I have to move home? I couldn’t even enjoy my final semester at university because I was so worried about the what next. Then it dawned on me, do all university students feel this way? Why the fuck was this considered normal? After chatting with friends, we all kinda were in the same boat. This immense pressure to have it all figured out at 21 officially made me crack.

Eventually I scored another corporate job as an IT recruiter (go figure) and had that lined up for when I graduated, it was such a great match for my personality, and the people I met at this job and had the opportunity to grow close with are still some of my best friends. But something still felt so off. Over a year went by and I lived so hard for the weekends, I was the queen of not showing up to work on Monday’s because I just was exhausted from the going out all the time. Until one Monday I woke up and was like is this literally all life has to offer, the only time I enjoy my life is 2/7 days of the week….wtf? This math can’t be right? Do all people feel this way? It was that same anxiety ridden feeling I got in my final semester of university, feeling like I had to have everything planned out, like NOW. It was that day, after some mad google searches, I came across the Tony Robbins documentary on Netflix, I Am Not Your Guru. I was mind blown, it’s like he was speaking directly to me, if your not waking up every day excited to live life you are doing yourself and everyone around you a dishonour. I refused to accept the fact that this would be my life until I got married and had kids. No fucking way. For a year I read all the self development books I could get my hands on, I listened to every podcast, meditated, started yoga, dabbled with a morning routine. I started feeling so much better, I finally believed that I could have the life that I want.

Flash forward to 2020 and I’m writing this in South Korea on a blog that I created all by myself. There was two things I’ve always wanted to do, start a blog (even if I didn’t know what it was about) and live abroad. Here I am. Doing both. I’m not even close to where I want to be, but every time I think I haven’t done much I’m going to come back to this. I wanted to share this story with you because I want you to know that everything is going to work out for you. You are exactly where you are supposed to be and the universe only gives you what you can handle. If I got that job at IBM, where would I be? I honestly have no clue but I can guarantee you I wouldn’t be writing a blog in Korea. This was all meant to happen to me. The moment you realize that everything is happening for you, not against you, and that you are the only person who can make change in your life, is the moment you can stop being scared of this post grad time gap and embrace it. You have the entire world at your fingertips, you will never be this young and free, ever again. Sorry to make this sound like a Snoop Dogg song but it’s true. Figure out what makes you happy, start doing more of it. It’s simple but not easy. So if you’re reading this and again, have no freaking clue where to even start or have that fire in your belly telling you you know that you’re meant for more than just a desk job you don’t love for 6 years until you have kids and get married, then follow that feeling. Chances are you know what you want to do but you’ve been way too scared to admit it because that makes it real.

It’ll all workout in your favour, don’t you worry.

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