I swear this is still by far my biggest issue I have. I can NOT say no to people. It doesn’t matter what/where/when I can’t just say no – and if i do it’s not like an actual no, I’ll say yes until the night (2 hours) before and say something like I’m sick (boo you whore) or my car isn’t working (don’t have a car). To me it’s like the rudest thing ever, even when it’s not serving me AT ALL. Like why can’t I just give a straight answer, it’s gotten me into the craziest situations. For example: being stuck in a bathroom with a crying girl I don’t even know, waking up in some extremely questionable places. You get the point.
So lately I’ve really wanted to get to the bottom of why I can’t say no. Naturally, I made a list. It looked like this:
- Will hurt someones feelings
- People will think I’m mean/lame
- People will stop asking me to things
- Don’t want people to talk badly about me
- world will end
Do you see what these have in common?? None of them have to do with ME. They are all reflections of the other persons needs. I genuinely feel like the world will explode if I tell someone no, and guess what? It doesn’t! Time to stop people pleasing people.
I listened to a podcast on The Skinny Confidential (I think??) and it was called the power of saying no. I seriously felt like it was made for me. It went on to explain that the most successful people in the world say no the most, it told me to write down 6 areas in life that I want to work on. Write where you are in those situations, what you want to see in 10 years, and how you’re going to get there – then say no to anything that does not line up with these. I chose career, health, relationship, finances, family and friends. I’ve also come to the realization that if they’re your true friends, they’re going to support you no matter what. Of course friends want to hangout all the time, thats literally what friends are for duh? But if making money and trying to land the career of your dreams are top priority for you right now, they will be on the sideline cheering for you, and if they’re not? Well get some new fckin friends.
WHAT TO DO:
Write a list of where you see yourself in 10 years. You’d be surprised at how effective just writing this down is. If things don’t line up with these goals, say no (to an extent people) it’s hilarious how easy this sounds just by typing it yet it’s like the hardest thing in the world. I know what you’re thinking “but you can’t just exile all your friends and family Heather!!!” See that is the beauty of making 6 separate goals. Your friends, family and ~lover~ have their own category so you still have to put some energy into those as well. All about balance hun. You’re not going to know when to say no to things if you don’t know what your priorities are. Once you gain a little bit of clarity on where you see yourself in 5-10 years, you’ll have something motivating you. Now you don’t have to go to that birthday dinner of that girl you met drunk in a bathroom 2 weeks ago!
Ps. I should probably state, since I moved and have like 1 friend here yet it’s been so easy for me to focus on what I want. But that’s basically the reason I moved away…I decided I needed to put myself first and the only way I could do that was by being completely alone with myself. This goes back to my post on how crucial alone time is, protect your time + energy. You don’t get it back.